Creating HEALTHY boundaries in relationships can be complex due to our attachment styles. For example, if you have an anxious or an avoidant style and you don’t understand ‘boundaries’, constructing them in relationships at polar ends could occur. This is based on past traumas due to the fear of being taken advantage off or being rejected.
Seek Cindy says boundaries are supposed to exist in which you and your person does not know they are there. They are like “invisible protective barriers”. They are not supposed to be so overt and so visible. Setting healthy boundaries is a balance of not too strong (narcissistic) or weak (people pleasing). It becomes always a balance for us to keeping our heart soft and yet unbreakable.
If you are only focused on survival, there is no awareness of constructing healthy boundaries. The aim then becomes only getting your own needs met on your own terms and times.
Adam M G (author and psychologist) says that in unhealthy relationships, there is a conflict to choose between integrity and blind loyalty. This is often a case of biting your tongue to protect your loved one’s ego when you want to express displeasure. In healthy relationships, you speak your mind and it is taken with appreciation. Even when your other half does not agree, they are grateful that you offered it.
Tips for healthy boundaries include,
1. Write down what you need in a relationship.
3. Communicate your feelings honestly to your partner and ALSO be prepared to listen.
4. Communicate your boundaries at the beginning stages of a relationship.
5. Know when and how to enforce your boundaries- (we will make mistakes. Boundaries will be crossed by our loved one), it’s important for you to communicate that there are consequences to this happening in a firm, loving way, rather than using emotional abuse, such as the silent treatment.
If you want to have a love reading, please look at the options on my page to discuss any relationship concerns and how to best move forward with clarity.
Blessings to you all and have a great week.